Most of us in mid-life have one and only one financial problem in common. We don’t have
enough money. We know we don’t have enough money. We pretend to others and ourselves
that we have money. We don’t know what to do about not having enough money. There, that
sums up the problem nicely and wraps up the technical side of this article. If you caught me 10
years ago, I would probably go through how the problem is spending, not budgeting, debt, the
shortfall in pensions, lack of investment, passive income etc. These are all valid. But now a
couple of years into my own experience of mid-life plus many ambushes in car parks, where I
am expected to produce a 5-minute foolproof retirement plan that magically forgives all
financial sins committed in the last 30 years, I now know this conversation must be approached
differently. Let’s go beyond surface level talk on this one.
How did we get here? Denial. We got lost chasing big titles, profitable looking businesses but
financially not much to show for it. The myth of corporate and business success. I recently met
a banker who had been earning seven figures for a while. In terms of assets, she had her home
paid down but not much else to show for it. Likewise, many entrepreneurs have pumped all
they have into the business and nothing else. Unfortunately, when jobs end supermarkets don’t
allow you to walk through with your trolley because you have a home or business. Cash is still
king! Our worldly success never translated into financial freedom. We have built lifestyles that
are eating up most of the income that we do generate. The first step is awareness that this is
indeed your situation. Something unspecified is not magically going to change unless you
participate. It is preferable to make mistakes with your eyes wide open. Go ahead and pop the
bottle of champagne but not with your head buried in the sand. You might not have the answer
today but as you ‘do you’, know that a moment of reckoning has to happen. Where you come
face to face with your financial self in the mirror. The sooner the better. Audit yourself. Where
exactly are you? Money does not care if you are the CEO. One plus one will always be two and
not ten. I have coached many C-Suite executives who thought the basic principles were beyond
them until numbers are put in front of them. I love it because our sessions become
conversations about – ‘Who are you without the title?’ When it comes to money, humility is a
great place to start.
I have a client, let’s call him Max, who recently told me that he would rather die than give up
golf. I can sense the relief many of you are having at this point because you thought I would
tell you to give up the things you like. He had just been retrenched (having been replaced by
younger and cheaper) and of course the sensible thing to do would have been to cut off those
expenses. This is not saying that he will not have to trim some fat, but this line item was not
to be touched. My younger self might have judged him, but I completely understood. I think
mid-life is about re-writing the script on money before you get to budgets and financial plans. I
have scootered off to the Coast to scuba dive when my bank account and the obligations before
me told me not to dare. Somehow, I knew everything will be OK if I can just escape to the
under-water world. To date I am glad to say that I haven’t been wrong. Max felt that golf was
the one thing he had always done for himself. Not out of responsibility, obligation or even
performance. Just for him. It was part of his restoration process and a social identity outside
his job. It wasn’t just a sport but a wellness strategy. We all know the confusion and
responsibility that comes with mid-life. As someone told me, it is the stage in life where you
get permission to act like you know everything while truly knowing nothing. Everybody finds their own formula to cope with this and it is literally non-negotiable at this point in life. So,
any financial adjustments have to work around this. So go ahead and unapologetically own your
non-negotiables.
However, it is also about accepting that you might not be able to have it all and neither do you
want it all. We don’t get to run away from taking time to truly understand who we are by
overextending ourselves. Not only don’t we have bandwidth anymore, but we must walk the
narrow path of zoning down on what we truly want. We may not afford to want what we have
been conditioned or told to want. We cannot afford to people please. The definition of success
and even wealth has to be radically different. Many of us are coasting down the highway of
poverty in a luxury vehicle that we don’t really want but we seem to think it pleases other
people to see us in it. Is wealth in the accumulation of stuff, money and assets or is wealth the
ability to design a life in this season that has purpose, legacy and your definition of abundance?
If it is the latter, then you will be able to figure out how much is enough and what needs
adjusting to get to it. It must be accepted that the life that you want will cost you something.
The price many times is breaking up with convention in some way or form. Questioning
attachments like houses, schools we take children to, financial responsibilities that have been
thrown on us, roles, relationships, career choices etc. it doesn’t mean you’ll automatically
make changes but the willingness to question must be there to open our minds up to possible
solutions. I am a strong supporter of letting go of convention in favour of what has true value.
When all is said and done, we cannot run away from the fact that this is the season in which
must ask ourselves, ‘If not now, when?’ That if we continue waiting for the financial checks
and balances to be in place, we may never do anything. The reason this article is for you in
midlife is that you been through enough of life with its lessons, ups and downs. As I have
pointed out you probably have been humbled along the way and attempt (even though not
perfectly) to keep your head out of the sand, know the things that are non-negotiable in your
life, understand the kind of life that you truly want and have recognized that people pleasing is
an investment promising diminishing returns. The conventional principles of money
management are timeless and important but at this stage in life, you can bring a sense of
personal balance and awareness into your money that only you can see. That at some level only
you will understand the moves you have decided to make, and they will be the right ones.
Despite narratives on age, couldn’t this also be your best season yet and everything else you
had to learn along the way was just what you needed for your next step? I am now seeing so
many people re-invent careers and businesses later in life that financially I believe that the
best is still yet to come for many of us though it may have to be defined and calculated
differently. This is where our financial plans not only have strategy but conviction. A meeting
of faith and finances. Retirement is rephrased as re-invention. That we are our true assets and
what we may not have done is taken time to understand that asset and its value because we
were in a box. Start thinking of your mid-life not as a financial crisis but possible financial
opportunity. I’m in this journey as well so let’s open our eyes together and go down the road
less travelled with mid-life and money.
Waceke is the Founder of Centonomy and Author of Making Cents
waceken@centonomy.com