Boastfulness: James buys a new car and goes to meet up with his friends. As James settles himself down at the table he strategically places his keys on the table so that they can be noticed. James picks every opportunity to keep mentioning his new car and keeps fiddling with the alarm button so that the car can be noticed. Having or buying a nice car is not a bad thing but given James’ behavior, what was his motive for buying this car? Probably to win the respect or attention of people. It is not enough for James to be happy for himself that he has bought a new car, he needs other people to know he has bought the car. I asked my students if they would still buy that dream car if they were all alone in the world. Many of them answered “no” because there would be no one there to notice the car. That motive is wrong and is the same motive that James had for buying his car. James needs people to notice that car otherwise the purpose for buying it has not been fulfilled. The problem with this is that even if he does get the attention, it will be temporary and to keep getting it, he will have to keep buying it in some way such as a bigger car, gadgets etc. and continue to elevate his own sense of importance. James risks being driven to make bad financial decisions such as accumulating bad debt to keep buying this respect or “image”. It becomes like a drug addiction that he needs to keep feeding.
Stinginess: Mary has been telling her family she will take them on a holiday to Mombasa once her business makes Kes 1 million in profits. When she gets there, she then decides to wait until she achieves 5 million because she now feels Kes 1 million is not enough. At 5 million she decides to strive for 10 million. Mary can go on and on like this and even when she has Kes 100 million she will not feel it is enough. Mary’s problem is that she is being driven by the absolute monetary value rather than identifying the quality of life that she actually wants. She will never win or be satisfied because there is always a bigger number to achieve, so she will always feel what she has is inadequate. She is delaying taking her family on holiday on the false assumption, that it is when she has more money that she will feel she can afford it. Mary has to take a step back and understand that if time away with her family is indeed important to her, she did not even need to wait for Kes 1 million. She could have started with simply visiting another county. As her resources grow she can then go to Mombasa, South Africa, Europe and so on. So that she is not waiting to have money to be happy, but rather the money becomes a resource that simply enables her to travel more and accumulate different experiences. She will then start enjoying her present moment even as she continues growing her business and working on her goals.
False Humility: In striving not to be seen as boastful, many people cross the line into false humility. Maybe they have learned that showing success is a bad thing. Elizabeth gets a new job and is earning three times as much as her best friend. However she acts like it was not a big deal and continues indulging in the “life is hard” themed conversations with her friend. Given her improved financial ability, she starts to pursue certain investments, but will never tell her best friend about them even when she realises that her friend could benefit from a different perspective. Elizabeth is scared that her friend will perceive her differently because she has more money or will have different expectations of her. There is a quote by Marianne Williamson that states, “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you”. That is exactly what Elizabeth is trying to do. This false humility will firstly limit Elizabeth’s progress as day in day out she will focus more on hiding her progress which will serve to limit her future progress. Secondly she could be building up her friend by sharing her journey and experiences, therefore motivating her friend to also progress.
In your own time please answer these three questions that will reveal the motive behind some of your financial habits?
- 1. Do you buy things or spend money trying to win the approval of other people?
- 2. Are you waiting to have money to start doing the things you value such as give, spend time with family etc.?
- 3. Do you hide your progress or success because of fear of what others will think or expect?
Write to me and let me know what these questions revealed for you.
Waceke runs a program on personal financial management. Find her on waceke@centonomy.com| twitter@centonomy
Question and Answer
Your article on Counterfeit wealth was very eye opening. I am under pressure to by a motor vehicle for relatives but I believe I should only do so if I have saved up for it. What do you think?
Thank you for your kind comments. Your relatives are wrong to pressure you and I do hope you will share with them this response. It is extremely selfish of them to try and make you do something because of their own needs or their own perception. Stay strong and focused. If you want to save for your car – do that. Do not let their wrong opinions sway you. If you stand firm, I am sure they will eventually give up and stop asking. This will also set an important precedent in your relationship with them. They will now get the message that you are not to be swayed by other people’s opinions and in future they will not try and get you to do what they want.
Waceke Nduati
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Those traits you have illustrated hinder progress to those who embrace them, pse give us some more waceke