Busy days overwhelm me. I want to throw up at the sight of a packed calendar. When I started teaching, I used to wake up at 3 am to practice talking. Not because I did not know the content. I could regurgitate the presentations in my sleep. But because I needed to prepare myself for how I would feel when I stand up in front of people. That I would wish the ground to swallow me up and may interpret every reaction from people as proof that I am deserving of that. Till today (13 years later) I would still be OK if there was an earthquake before presenting to a large audience and we were all required to hibernate for three years. I have written many to-do lists over the course of this journey. The things that usually didn’t get done related to networking, making more phone calls, putting myself ‘out there, teamwork, brainstorming, quick decision making, adapting quickly etc. All the things I was told entrepreneurs should just do. I have struggled with them wondering if there is a better way to organize the task list so that the next week will be better. Various apps have even been introduced to me and I still failed miserably especially when pop up notifications threw off the flow of my morning coffee thoughts. I am a classic example of the introverted entrepreneur. I have also now stopped fighting myself. No more task lists!
When COVID -19 erupted I was confused and uncertain like everyone else but a part deep inside of me felt this was the big break I had been waiting for all my life. Permission to STOP! I had already been working from home, but this could now happen guilt free without me feeling the need to show up at the office, be seen and catch up. Social engagements came to a grinding halt, and I no longer had to figure out what excuses I am using to get out of them or deal with the internal tug of war between obligation and the pull to just chill. For a moment I was no longer asked “What are you doing on Wednesday evening?”. For an introvert that is a very loaded question especially if you did not give the appropriate notice and it is being asked on Monday the same week. You see we have limited social energy and actually prefer spending time inside our own heads. We recharge ALONE. Whilst the calendar may look empty, the week’s quota of social energy might have been used up already on Tuesday (hence making Wednesday a low stimulation day) or is being saved up for Friday. So, if you wonder why your introverted friends or colleagues don’t respond immediately to meet up requests of any kind, it is because they need to organize that energy. Think about it the way you would a budget. Spending on one thing comes at a cost to something else. You may also find they employ delay tactics before complete confirmation. This is to assess what this meetup is about and who will be there. We find some occasions require less energy from us than others. Events that require loads of small talk with strangers is not the type of engagement I can pivot my energy for easily. On the other hand, a one on one with possibility of a meaningful conversation is more doable.
Whilst I have known I am an introvert for a very long time, it did take me a while to be brave enough to start making how I work and how I relate to my own business adapt to this. For a very long time I did my best to adapt to what I thought the business needed and that resulted in too many days frozen in bed because I just couldn’t deal with the flood of information that hits me once I show up at work. That gnawing feeling that despite being busy I was being distracted from what I truly want to do. My brand of introversion allows me to be productive when I have space to think and reflect before making decisions or producing output. I am now thirteen years in, and the best things have happened when I have done that. By space I mean physical as well as mental space. I cannot create content, think through a solution or write this article when I am picking up the phone every ten minutes. That doesn’t mean my business didn’t need people who think faster, do faster or thrive in activity. It does and the good news is that those people exist and are perfectly happy doing that the same way thinking alone brings me joy. I think partnerships or strong teams are built when there is a core understanding of how people work best. Don’t hire just for expertise, sometimes look for compliments to your personality. To you the introverted entrepreneur – what will make you work at your best? The world does not teach or promote this, so we must engineer it for ourselves. I started years ago with unapologetically taking Monday to think. On an operations front my business does run without me and building it that way was intentional. I am also breaking what I do into specific projects that my brain can work with (and give me space to create and flow) instead of task lists. I have also learned to redefine work. Staring into space, watching cooking shows or doodling as I percolate on an upcoming training is part of work. That is the process that delivers the magic! Calendar may look free, but I am honestly not available to meet (and yes, I do struggle with explaining that). Nothing is perfect and there are still days or seasons of busyness but I have given myself permission to continuously create the environment that works for me (and when I need to educate others who work with me). I hope you will too.
Waceke Nduati Omanga is the founder of Centonomy. Author of Making Cents.