We live in a people-driven society. From the day we are born, there were people around us who have shaped how we think, our values and what we believe. At school, we were with people. At home our families were present. Every day when we read the news we learn about what other people are doing. Social media has put information about other people in our heads 24-7. Many extracurricular activities revolve around people. Training programs these days even center around group activities. Our social interactions are important but given that other people make up so much of our lives. We are motivated and fear what other people think.
We want the validation, but sometimes this comes at a dangerous price. We forget ourselves, we don’t learn to hear ourselves and many times we don’t really know what we want. We know what we have been taught to want but have no idea what we authentically want. Over time from school into the workplace to society, we have also been compared to other people in conventional ways like grades, family status, career paths, money. We keep making the mistake that these are the only things that will fulfill us and they constantly fall short.
How do you get to hear yourself in a noisy world? I believe one of the greatest gifts one can give themselves is solitude. I do not mean you have to go live in the mountains for three months (though if that’s what you feel you need, go for it). I just mean the ability to regularly and in your own way spend time alone and get comfortable in that space. We tell our entrepreneurship students to spend thirty minutes a day alone thinking about their businesses. Many find this very uncomfortable in the beginning but those who see it through, report being able to generate ideas or think about solutions they never would have.
My personality has made this relatively easy for me. I naturally recharge by being alone. Had I not dedicated solitude time, these articles that you have been reading for the past eight years would probably not exist. Creativity for me does not happen in crowds. However, this is simply not a personality issue. It is understanding that not everything you need is out there. Not all the correct answers are with somebody else or have even been thought about. It is not always external resources you are looking for.
The highlight of our personal finance program comes when people realize they are sitting on something they could use and get over the mental barriers that exist so that they can actually leverage those resources. We have had people who have paid off debt by baking, but they had to understand that they could actually do it, and even more get over what other people thought about them walking into work with cakes. That internal push came from spending time in some way with themselves.
Validation from other people is great. But there will come a time in your life where that validation will be missing. You will then have to draw on that internal conviction to move in an unfamiliar direction. You may want to start a business and nobody around you understands why you would quit your well- paying job. Many people stop here because they think that if others don’t approve something, they must be wrong. It could be an initiative at work that you think can add value. It could be a career or life path very contrary to the one you have been groomed to take.
When we do not follow that gut or instinct we feel that we have cheated ourselves. Something feels off. People can’t think for us because they are not us. You could be retiring and will no longer have that status. You need to figure out what’s next for your life. Comfort with yourself will play a large part in how you handle this. These are moments that call for some time alone. The more you do it the better you get at it. The clearer your own voice becomes. The better you see yourself and what you truly have.
Waceke is the founder of Centonomy. If you want to know more about their program on Financial Freedom in Retirement get in touch on waceken@centonomy.comTwitter@cekenduati