Spendaholics

“So I buy it. The most perfect little cardigan in the world. People will call me the Girl in the Gray Cardigan. I’ll be able to live in it. Really, it’s an investment.” This is a phrase from the movie, Confessions of a Shopaholic.  These are also the words and thinking of a spendaholic. Many of us know that if we could curb our spending our money situation would not be so dire.  But some of us seem unable to stop.  We have probably progressively earned more money but we keep spending more money and even spend what we are yet to earn.  There’s always something to buy and we just have an insatiable appetite for it.  Despite our best efforts to plan we realize that we just don’t seem to be able to control ourselves if we have any available funds lying around anywhere. The key theme here is “inability to control’. Many times we don’t see it this way but it is an addiction. Many addictions are spoken about but sometimes we overlook those that don’t outwardly seem to have physical consequences. One of the definitions of addiction cites it as a strong and harmful need to regularly have or do something. There are many of us who feel that way with money.   Many times we just want to spend money and seem unable to control the urge no matter the consequences. Let’s look deeper into some of the signs that can help you identify if you are a spendaholic.

You feel the need to spend because it makes you feel better.  You may feel like buying something after a hard day.  That’s OK.  But do you feel a pull to buy something every time you have a hard day or hard situation?  Just like with other addictions you want an immediate feel good factor or do something that will make you forget. Many times we just want to avoid dealing or facing the situation at hand. Some do this with alcohol, others with medication or drugs, others with TV and other entertainment. Some do this with money and in particular spending.  They have just got to buy something.  The item that you are buying is never the problem.  Don’t blame the phone company for coming out with newer models. It’s always the motive behind it.  If you are buying something to cover up your problems or avoid dealing with challenges it may become an addiction.  You start to believe that’s how to get away from them. And when the effects of the first item wears off you want to buy something else and then something else.  But the item never fills up that void and many times you feel even more depressed after the initial high of the phone or item wears off.  In fact you feel worse. Not only do you still have to deal with the situation but you have also spent rent money or gotten yourself into a bit of debt. Someone who just went to buy something without the emotional baggage, will not go through this low. It will just be something they went to buy.  And they will not feel the need to keep buying things.

Spendaholics also hide. Same way someone who has started using drugs will also hide from their family or colleagues.  Spendaholics know inherently there is something wrong with they way they are spending hence hide it.  I have been privy to many conversations where people admit to shopping bags being hidden in a closet, or new shoes being rubbed in dust to make them look worn so they don’t stand out. Sometimes there are other reasons for this but many times people know they are out of control and they don’t want somebody else to find out. Sometimes the spending has already been an issue of contention in a business arrangement, marriage, family, work environment etc. and the spender wants to hide the evidence as much as possible to avoid the confrontation. Spendaholics will even lie about how they used the money e.g. saying there was an emergency yet they bought a new pair of shoes. We lie when we think we are doing something wrong and want to cover it up. When this is happening the spender will always live in fear of being caught, which will lead to more hiding.  They may hide ATM receipts, pay slips, bank statements, shopping receipts or anything that could trail their spending behaviour. Last but not least for the sake of this article, spendaholics cannot look at money and leave it alone or put it where it is supposed to be.  We have all watched that scene in movies where someone struggling with alcohol is in a bar and a drink has been served. The actor is looking at the drink and debating whether to succumb to it or not.  Usually they do.  The battle was lost immediately they entered the bar.  For many of us the same thing happens.  The battle is lost immediately we enter the shop. I’m not talking about the one off impulse purchase you made last week. That happens to most of us every so often, I’m talking about the general inability to go somewhere and not spend money.  Some people cannot enter a shop without spending money even if they were just bringing a friend who was looking for something in particular.  Remember you can always find something you want. We leave the house with one thousand shillings in our wallets and do not come back with even a portion of it. We cannot retain money in our bank accounts. That’s why by the middle of the month things are thick. When money or things are seen, the mind goes to spending. Window-shopping is a complete myth. It’s either all or nothing.  So like any addiction the first step is to realise there is a problem.  You may not be victim of all the things I have mentioned but maybe you can relate to one or two. Maybe you are a spendaholic. This week I leave you to just accept and watch for these signs.  Next week we look at the practical things we can do to curb our addiction.