Does having “things” define who you are? If your income was ten times the amount it is today, what would change about you? Would you relate differently with people? Would you buy things to prove that you finally had money or to “fit in” in certain circles? If the answer to any or all the above is yes, it may be time to re look at the attachment you have to money. To set the record straight having of things is never the problem. It is really the meaning that we give to these things and consequently the attachment we develop to them that creates the problem.
Many people are acquiring things in the search for validation from others. A bigger car, a better house, a new gadget, a flashier place to entertain etc. The problems they have seem to revolve around creating certain impressions with friends family, work colleagues etc. The problem is that these impressions that we seek to create with material things are very short term and to keep that impression going means more things need to be bought. If you have a relationship that is based on your perceived social status or wealth, to keep that impression you have to keep looking a certain way. This is the beginning of a never ending financial trap or consumerism. When your validation comes from things, trust me there will always be a new thing that you think will be the ultimate validation. If you were all alone in the world, would you really buy that car? If the answer is No, then you are buying that car for other people.
The flip side of this coin, is being insecure because other people have things. Say your best friend is the one who starts earning ten times what you currently earn. Do you think that will change how you relate with her? Most people who I have asked this question have honestly answered it would. They would feel inadequate. In your relationships you can all never be in the same financial situation throughout your entire life so if being equal with others is how you define yourself, life can prove to be very unfulfilling. There will always be someone with more or less than you even in the same social circle.
Whether having things gives validation or you feel inadequate when others have more than you, both are symptoms of the same disease. A false belief that it is things that say who we are. Who you are, what you can achieve can never be defined by or rather limited to things that you currently have. Take some time and truly define what you would like to achieve with your life and live accordingly. What will you want to see from your life in 20 years time? Will you ask for another car on your deathbed? This process helps you understand your values and when you start living in accordance with those values, the volume on the “noise of other people” reduces. Having things is not bad but trying to find any sort of fulfillment in them usually leads down the road of financial disaster.
Waceke Nduati
The author teaches personal financial management. Find her at www.centonomy.com or on twitter @centonomy.
I don’t remember the last time I read such an insightful feature!