How Much Pain Can You Take

Susan is 60 years old. She has two children, four grandchildren and is still married to her husband of 40 years. Susan had a successful career and is still well known in professional circles. She now sits on the boards of various companies and offers her expertise to these organisations. She doesn’t do it because she needs the money. During their working years, Susan and her husband built up a sizeable portfolio of investment properties and they are comfortably living off the rental income. They also selectively invested in private businesses and regularly get paid dividends. They live in a beautifully landscaped four bedroomed house. She has recently decided to start mentoring young people and her first mentee is a young lady by the name of Wangui. Wangui graduated from university a year ago and is working as intern at a school, helping out with the administrative functions. Wangui sought mentoring from Susan because she feels she is not going anywhere in her current position. According to her, some of her friends have gotten actual jobs (not internships) at marketing organisations, banks, IT companies and auditing firms and are well on their way to success. Her first session with Susan was at her house and it just reaffirmed that she was completely off target with where she wanted to be. She would never achieve her dreams with her internship position.

Wangui obviously laments to Susan who listens to her patiently. When Wangui is asked what she wants, the answer is “I want it all. The same way you have it”. Wangui wants the big house, great husband, big house, financial independence, the prestige, social status, and connections. She wants it badly and wants it as soon as possible. Susan then tells Wangui that there is nothing about her life at the moment that convinces her that she does indeed want it badly. Wangui is confused and tells Susan that she knows that, hence why she is here seeking mentoring. “How do I move from where I am to where you are?” she asks. Susan clarifies her statement and tells Wangui that there is no evidence that she is willing to go through pain. Susan goes on to say that it is all well and good to want these things but you don’t get something for nothing. What are you willing to give in return? This is what Susan tells Wangui was the purchase price for what she has now. Waking up at 4 am to study for her MBA as she worked. Losing lots of money before she figured out what she was good at investing in. Spending long hours in several jobs to ensure she did over and above what was expected of her, with absolutely no assurance that it was going to result in a promotion. Willingness to put herself in situations where she faced rejection of her ideas or proposals, until someone finally listened to what she was saying. Decades of giving up the material lifestyle that others expected of someone in her position so she could put aside money to buy this house and invest. For example carrying lunch when others bought, using public transport even though she could afford a car, resisting the temptation to go and rent in upmarket areas to make the right impression. Going through many moments of emotional pain to work through the challenges of her marriage. Losing her first house to pay back creditors when a business venture she and her husband had started fell apart. Working at jobs she didn’t want for a while simply because it was a possible step to the one she wanted. After hearing this Wangui is shocked. Susan tells her that for the mentoring session to continue Wangui must come not just with a list of what she wants, but a list of the struggles she thinks she is willing to go through to get what she wants.

How many of us are Wangui? We want it all right? We want the career, the great job, the successful business, financial independence the lifestyle and even the relationships. We want it as soon as possible but we never sit back to hear what it actually means. There is always a price to pay. The media and our society idolizes the symbols of success (usually in material possession) but we hardly hear the most important parts of the story. The pain, the challenges and the frustrations. Talk to people who are successful in your opinion and find out the real story. What they have, what you can see is just icing on the cake. The inspiration doesn’t come from what they have now but their resilience in the face of the pain they went through. List down the things you want but a more important exercise may be to list down what you are willing to go through to get it. If you don’t want to slash your entertainment spending to get it, you are not willing to give up the comfort of a salary to start a business, you are not willing to wake up early to study, not willing to lose risking money, don’t want to look like a fool, don’t want the heartache of a real relationship – then you don’t want all these things enough. Nothing happens in comfort zones and noting happens when all you do is simply complain about the pain that you may be facing. Our discomfort may actually be a pointer that you are in the right direction. Accept there will be a level of pain for whatever it is you want. The more you want, the more the pain. Are you prepared for that?