Last week, I got a phone call from a radio station. They wanted me to comment on the fact that a lot of people are apparently committing suicide over debt. Money and its challenges can make us go crazy. You may not be on the verge of suicide but you may have experienced that time in your life when things were so bad and you were very low. I know so many people who have had their own forms of depression about money. I definitely have. It could be debt, like the people I addressed in this interview.
The thing with debt, no matter how bad it looks and no matter how bad you feel about it, there really is no miracle to it. The only way to get out of debt is to pay back debt. There is no magic formula. What we usually need is to be in the right frame of mind to be able to figure out how to get this money to pay back the debt. It is that frame of mind that I want to talk about today.
These blues can also happen when we lose a job, have a tough year in business, lose money in an investment or your entire savings, find yourself with no source of income etc. I have gone through various things that have led me to those blues, but I profoundly remember the day when my ATM balance was two hundred shillings. I even tried to withdraw that money and of course I couldn’t. That was a rock bottom moment but it taught me a lot. Whatever it is that you are going through or may go through, always remember that somebody somewhere has gone through something like that. You are not alone. So what can you do to manage these blues.
If something has suddenly happened to you, I don’t think you can instantly be okay. What you feel about your situation is valid. I remember after my two hundred bob moment, locking myself in the house and watching series after series for five days. That was my version of depression. Feel what you have to feel. Many people who have suddenly lost jobs tell me that they needed to grieve for a while; not even immediately find another job. Just grieve.
However, don’t let the incident turn you into a victim. Don’t get absorbed in blaming somebody else, and don’t give yourself labels because you have gone through an incident. You are not a failure because you lost money or lost a job. You can blame that company forever but it really doesn’t help you. The last thing your prospective employer will want to hear in the interview is how it was somebody else’s fault. Give yourself a time-frame and then start doing something. Even after my five days I had to leave the house. Talk to somebody, especially if you can find somebody who has gone through something similar. You will be surprised at how many people have gone through worse than you. It’s just that people don’t usually talk about it, or we make assumptions based on what we see.
If you’ve lost a job, talk to someone who has gone through that. Talk to a professional if you feel that you need to. Talk to your family, and do not hide what you are going through from them. No matter what it is, the people who care for you will be there for you. By the way, financial challenges are a great way to discover which relationships matter and which ones don’t. Certain people tend to disappear from our lives when things are not so good. Ask for help from people, when you need to. Help can be financial for a certain time, or it can be an introduction, or a meeting to pick their brain, etc.
We often want our lives to stay the same even when going through these challenges. Through the Centonomy program, I have worked with many people who have been in debt. Many times, people want to have the exact same lifestyle but get out of the situation. Not possible. You will have to re-organise how you spend money. Cut down on things that are not essential. In your depression, do not go and buy a new outfit or pay subscriptions for magazines, cable TV, the country club etc. This is the time to be more prudent with your expenditure and if need be, make some difficult decisions. A cheaper house does exist. Cheaper transport does exist. You will not die because you sold your car. When you receive financial help don’t direct it towards sustaining a comfortable lifestyle.
So, look at your expenses. Write up a budget and ascertain what is completely essential. You may think that this is difficult, but it starts to give you a sense of control, which works to your advantage. It is that ‘things are out of control’ feeling that makes us believe that we cannot get past it.
Lastly, force yourself to look at what you have and what you can do. If you make snacks and take them to work to sell and use that money to pay debt, do it. It’s the small things that make the difference. Even if you completely feel like you have nothing, remember that you are mentally able. It worked for me. I remembered that I could do bookkeeping and I did a few odd jobs. I don’t like to do it, but I can. You have some skills that can earn you money. You may have a network you can use. Swallow your pride and make those calls. You have some experience that can be packaged and used to get you a job. Force yourself to only think about what you can do, and not everything else that has gone wrong. As Albert Einstein put it, “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it”. Think different.
To learn more about debt repayment, leveraging on good debt, wise spending, financial growth and much more, click here to learn more about the Centonomy 101 (Personal Finance Training) program.
Waceke Nduati-Omanga runs programs on Personal Finance Management, Entrepreneurship and Career Success.
Find her at waceken@centonomy.com| twitter @CekeNduati| Facebook /CekeNduati
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