Avoiding Money 

Do you run away from facing your money? Does the thought of dealing with your money sound like a horror movie? Do you walk around knowing that issues are piling up but hoping that one-day something will happen? If your answers were yes, you are not alone. I had a heart to heart with one of our past students in the personal finance course.  Let’s call her Kabuki for purposes of this article. Kabuki for a long time believed she did not need help with her money. She earns a decent six- figure income and holds a very senior position at work.  She has a great life. She lives and owns a home in a prestigious neighbourhood.  She travels and can afford to entertain herself well. She also has a husband who earns well and they have done various investments together in property, shares and have some cash saved up. Kabuki also manages to save money monthly. In fact her colleagues at work and several of her friends come to her looking for financial advice.  So on the surface things look good. You may also be wondering why Kabuki turned up for our classes. Many people aspire to be and live like she does. But Kabuki knew things were not all that it seemed.  She knew about the frequently late credit card payments. Not because she does not have the money to pay but she just did not get around to doing it.  Her inability to make investment decisions. She admitted that were it not for her husband, she may never have invested. He initiates almost all the decisions in this area.  The lack of planning on her monthly expenses.  The account balances that catch her by surprise simply because she does not actually know what is in the account.  She has never bothered registering for online banking though the bank had sent the instructions to her a while back.  Her financial documents prior to attending the course were kept in a drawer in one big mess.  The consisted of unopened bank account statements, credit card statements, incomplete company registration documents etc. Her bank once double debited an Mpesa transaction from her card but she never went to correct it.

Sometimes we know what we have to do but we find ways of running away though we know in the background things are piling up.  This disease is called Avoidance. When I spoke to Kabuki, she told me that she has now realized her lack of order with her money is a ticking time bomb. But why has she been running away from dealing with it?  Why have you? The fact that she is comfortable has played a large role. The nice regular paycheck that comes in. But the fundamental issue is her lack of confidence.  The feeling that gnaws at you that you are not up to the task.  A lot of people and women in particular face this issue with money.  When you feel you can’t do it, the easiest way is to avoid it. Kabuki had no impetus to claim her Mpesa refund because she figured it would go down the same hole as most of her money (and besides, another paycheck will come in). There is no plan to make it achieve something and putting together the plan that would resolve that is too difficult. Run away from the pain. Procrastinate and hope that at some point something will come and resolve it. This lack of confidence could taken root in us in any number of ways. For Kabuki and despite all her achievements and success in the work place, due to various childhood experiences she had bought into the fact that she was not good enough.  In fact in her every day life she often feels like a fraud that is just about to be caught. Like the “singers” Milli Vanilli.

So whilst Kabuki and most of us have to work on changing that belief (a story for another day), what are some of the practical things that can edge us along? Kabuki says being accountable to her husband for the monthly saving has forced her to commit to that. So we can find an accountability party who we respect.  The other tip she gave me is not attaching the process to a result. I know we all know about goal setting. If you do face this issue, it may be OK, for the goal just to be to work through the avoidance.  If you don’t, you may do certain things for a while e.g. save faithfully for three months and then crash and burn.  Back to square one. Kabuki given her income thought her goals should be large. She wrote them down and immediately got overwhelmed. So she took some of the exercises presented in the course and did them for sake of doing and without the pressure of a SMART goal. Like going for a swim just to cool off without trying to finish a certain number of laps. Enjoying a snack when you are not hungry. Kabuki started off by simply tracking her expenses. Without the pressure of cutting expenses or creating a budget. So far by being aware of her costs, she doesn’t run away from the bank statements and has managed to pay bills on time. Her claim to fame at the moment is simply being able to understand her expenses. She has also in the process cleaned up her drawer and files her documents. Is she where she wants to be?  Not yet.  Her story today doesn’t end with her having conquered all fears and put up a massive development. For those of us with avoidance issues stories like that often scare us more as they point out how much further we have to go. She just engaged with one process; result free and without comparing herself to others. Go and do the same thing. That’s step one.  Once you can do that then the goal comes in to sustain momentum. Start somewhere.  Collect your statements just to look at them, not necessarily to figure out how to immediately clear your debt. File your documents just to have them nearby.  Take a course just to learn, not to be the richest amongst your friends. Go see a house you like without trying to figure out how to buy it. Process first results second. Shrug your shoulders and just do it. Trying never hurt.

Centonomy runs programs on Entrepreneurship.  Contact Waceke on waceken@centonomy.com| twitter @cekenduati| facebook.com/cekenduati